Q. My son’s father and I separated eight months ago and it’s taken a while for us to get adjusted. One thing I have noticed is that my son is very unorganized around the house, and his teacher recently told me he is very unorganized at school. I have trouble getting him to settle down and do his homework. He’s also very forgetful and doesn’t seem to hear me when I tell him something. I think he may have ADHD and I’m thinking about putting him on medication. What’s good ex-etiquette?

A. First, slow down before jumping to a diagnosis.

The behaviors you describe -- forgetfulness, difficulty focusing, disorganization, emotional distraction, and trouble settling down -- can absolutely be associated with ADHD. But they can also be associated with stress, grief, anxiety, disrupted routines, and emotional adjustment after major family changes like separation and divorce.

And eight months is not very long in a child’s world.

Children often experience divorce differently than adults realize. Even when parents believe things are “calmer now,” children may still be trying to make sense of two homes, changing schedules, emotional tension, new routines and uncertainty about the future. That emotional overload can show up behaviorally long before children can verbalize what they are feeling.

That doesn’t mean you ignore the problem. It means you approach it thoughtfully.

Good ex-etiquette starts with recognizing that major medical or psychological decisions should be discussed with the other parent whenever possible. Even if you strongly suspect ADHD, this should not become a unilateral parenting decision or a conflict about “what’s wrong” with your son.

Instead, gather information first.

Talk with his teacher in more detail. Ask whether these behaviors are new or whether they existed before the separation. Is he struggling socially? Academically? Emotionally? Does he focus better in some settings than others? Is he distracted, anxious, sad, impulsive, or overwhelmed?

You should also talk with his father. Not to accuse or diagnose, but to compare observations. Does he see the same behaviors in his home? Or are the struggles more pronounced in one environment? Sometimes children react differently depending on stress levels, routines and expectations in each household.

Before considering medication, a full evaluation by a qualified professional is important. ADHD should never be diagnosed simply because a child is energetic, distracted, emotional or struggling during a difficult life transition.

It’s also worth looking at lifestyle factors first. Is your son getting enough sleep? Is homework happening at a predictable time? Does he have quiet structure in both homes? Are the adults communicating calmly around him? Children experiencing emotional upheaval often need more consistency, not just more correction.

And remember, medication may help some children tremendously when ADHD is accurately diagnosed, but medication is not a substitute for emotional support, structure, patience and parenting consistency.

Good ex-etiquette means resisting the urge to immediately “fix” behavior without first understanding what may be underneath it. Your son may have ADHD. Or he may be a child struggling to regain emotional balance after his family changed. Either way, he needs parents who approach the situation thoughtfully, collaboratively, and with compassion rather than panic. That's good ex-etiquette.

©2026 Tribune Content Agency, LLC